or i don't want anyone.
If i can choose, its only you
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
wake up you're a drama queen letter number 4
dear___,
its been a while i know. but you know how it is... well you do. i told you! i found the last piece to my happiness! the epitome of beautiful. But i shall not fill the room with my joy, as she knows who she is and i know you do as well. I am happy and content. i couldn't be happier.
Which brings me to the reason why i am writing you this letter. Is it that hard to find a positive in life? I mean honestly... yeah, i'll admit that my life/upbringing has been pretty freaking fantastic!!! But that doesn't mean there hasn't been shit times in my life. But i've managed to find positives, not necessarily in the situation, but in situations around me. There is always a smile waiting for you somewhere and the worst thing most people know this and are offered this smile but just choose to ignore it! Now dont go thinking that im being all like 'GET OVER IT'. Cause i am not. Everyone gets upset and with good reason. BUT! you can't tell me nothing goes right for you when well im sitting there listening to you! If nothing went right for you you wouldnt have anyone listening to you!!! FUCK! it frustrates me! And what makes it worse is that people put it out there for the whole world to see!!! which in turn makes people not give a shit WHICH in turn makes that person upset all over again cause people don't care!!!
___ you know that i'm a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason' which helps me accept alot of fucked up things that happen in this world! Some People ask me 'well whats the reason behind death' my main answer is to appreciate life even more than you already do! there is a reason to every situation. And you can always find something positive in life. I'm letting my anger out to you cause i know you know me!!! But i need to be more careful around others! i understand that some people actually suffer from depression which makes it alot harder to find positivity! But then there is the self loathers... the ones who sometimes claim they are depressed... but in the long run they are just self centred and attention seekers!!! NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING ABOUT TRADGEDY! if you aren't willing to find the positive even when it is held right in front of your face, you have no right to whinge!!!
This is one of the only things that brings me down and gets me upset in life! there are some people who feel like they have no one and that saddens me and i will try my hardest to be that someone! then there are the others that look me in the eye, cry on my shoulder... that they have no one! i have no time for that. im right there and you're telling me you have no one, if you can't see the positivity or "help" you're being given, if you're choosing to ignore that because its not the exact thing you want then you are selfish greedy and dont deserve my time... maybe then you'll see what lonely is!!! this is harsh! i understand but___ you understand my frustration because we have talked about this before!!! i will give people chance after chance but there is a time where if it starts affecting me and bringing me down cause they wont let me help them or if they wont help themselves i need to get away!!!
Once again you have listened to one of my rants.... but dont get me wrong___ life is beautiful! this is the only thing that brings me down. but i've written it out and i will walk away from this with a song in my head that will bring me a smile and i am going to have lunch with the best human in my world!!! so there is the positive!!!
I hope to hear from you soon, you can always talk to me! Rant to me!
I love you.
Forever and After.
Sean
its been a while i know. but you know how it is... well you do. i told you! i found the last piece to my happiness! the epitome of beautiful. But i shall not fill the room with my joy, as she knows who she is and i know you do as well. I am happy and content. i couldn't be happier.
Which brings me to the reason why i am writing you this letter. Is it that hard to find a positive in life? I mean honestly... yeah, i'll admit that my life/upbringing has been pretty freaking fantastic!!! But that doesn't mean there hasn't been shit times in my life. But i've managed to find positives, not necessarily in the situation, but in situations around me. There is always a smile waiting for you somewhere and the worst thing most people know this and are offered this smile but just choose to ignore it! Now dont go thinking that im being all like 'GET OVER IT'. Cause i am not. Everyone gets upset and with good reason. BUT! you can't tell me nothing goes right for you when well im sitting there listening to you! If nothing went right for you you wouldnt have anyone listening to you!!! FUCK! it frustrates me! And what makes it worse is that people put it out there for the whole world to see!!! which in turn makes people not give a shit WHICH in turn makes that person upset all over again cause people don't care!!!
___ you know that i'm a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason' which helps me accept alot of fucked up things that happen in this world! Some People ask me 'well whats the reason behind death' my main answer is to appreciate life even more than you already do! there is a reason to every situation. And you can always find something positive in life. I'm letting my anger out to you cause i know you know me!!! But i need to be more careful around others! i understand that some people actually suffer from depression which makes it alot harder to find positivity! But then there is the self loathers... the ones who sometimes claim they are depressed... but in the long run they are just self centred and attention seekers!!! NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING ABOUT TRADGEDY! if you aren't willing to find the positive even when it is held right in front of your face, you have no right to whinge!!!
This is one of the only things that brings me down and gets me upset in life! there are some people who feel like they have no one and that saddens me and i will try my hardest to be that someone! then there are the others that look me in the eye, cry on my shoulder... that they have no one! i have no time for that. im right there and you're telling me you have no one, if you can't see the positivity or "help" you're being given, if you're choosing to ignore that because its not the exact thing you want then you are selfish greedy and dont deserve my time... maybe then you'll see what lonely is!!! this is harsh! i understand but___ you understand my frustration because we have talked about this before!!! i will give people chance after chance but there is a time where if it starts affecting me and bringing me down cause they wont let me help them or if they wont help themselves i need to get away!!!
Once again you have listened to one of my rants.... but dont get me wrong___ life is beautiful! this is the only thing that brings me down. but i've written it out and i will walk away from this with a song in my head that will bring me a smile and i am going to have lunch with the best human in my world!!! so there is the positive!!!
I hope to hear from you soon, you can always talk to me! Rant to me!
I love you.
Forever and After.
Sean
Monday, April 6, 2009
A mix cd for ___
I wanted to make a cd with songs that i think would still be beautiful even if they didn't have lyrics. Even if the vocal melody was hummed you would still get the emotion from the song! Music is a beautiful thing when it wants to be and i have surrounded myself with what it think is some of the most beautiful music. So here is my cd i made for you ___
Music=Beauty
1. Anberlin- Fin
2. As Tall As Lions- Milk And Honey
3. The Ataris- Cardiff-By-The-Sea
4. Bloc Party- SRXT
5. Copeland- On The Safest Ledge
6. Damien Rice- Elephant
7. Dashboard Confessional- Several Ways To Die Trying
8. Death Cab For Cutie- What Sarah Said
9. Eisley- If You're Wondering
10. Lydia- Stay Awake
11. The Ocean- Mae
12. Manchester Orchestra- I Can Feel A Hot One
13. Sigur Ros- Glosoli
14. Straylight Run- Existentialism On Prom Night
15. The Whitlams (with the sydney symphony orchestra)- Keep The Light On ( i chose the version with the orchestra cause it just adds even more to what was already a beautiful song)
I hope these songs have the same kind of affect on you as they did me. You deserve beauty.
Love,
Forever and After.
Sean
Music=Beauty
1. Anberlin- Fin
2. As Tall As Lions- Milk And Honey
3. The Ataris- Cardiff-By-The-Sea
4. Bloc Party- SRXT
5. Copeland- On The Safest Ledge
6. Damien Rice- Elephant
7. Dashboard Confessional- Several Ways To Die Trying
8. Death Cab For Cutie- What Sarah Said
9. Eisley- If You're Wondering
10. Lydia- Stay Awake
11. The Ocean- Mae
12. Manchester Orchestra- I Can Feel A Hot One
13. Sigur Ros- Glosoli
14. Straylight Run- Existentialism On Prom Night
15. The Whitlams (with the sydney symphony orchestra)- Keep The Light On ( i chose the version with the orchestra cause it just adds even more to what was already a beautiful song)
I hope these songs have the same kind of affect on you as they did me. You deserve beauty.
Love,
Forever and After.
Sean
letter number three
Dear ___,
Life is beautiful. I just want to thank you for who you are so far. I know with out you i wouldn't be who i am and i definitely would not be experiencing all of this happiness. isn't it funny how things can change in less than a week! They say a change is as good as a holiday and i can now tell you this is a holiday i definitely don't want to leave! My dream vacation spot is right where i am, i awake in comfort, i spend my days with smiles, i am surrounded by beauty, with the music i listen to, the people i spend my time with and then some... Someones got my smile, and i pretty damn positive that they are the reason this 'holiday' is so enjoyable. I have always been a happy person, you know that! But now i think all the happiness i need is with me now, I have a job i love, i have the most supportive and beautiful family, my friends are my everything, i play in a band that not only creates the music we all want and love, but i am lucky enough to play with the three most talented, lovely and well just putting out there, ridiculously good looking dudes in the world. and i have a smile that i haven't worn for a very long time!
I don't know what else to write to you, as i usually write to you in a confused state, just know that you're constantly in my thoughts. In the future ___ i may not be writing you letters, but sending you mix cds, little quotes, my thoughts... and i would love if you do the same. You a friend everyone deserves. You are someone i can rely on. You are You and i am so grateful for that!
Thank you for always listening to me.
I love you,
forever and after.
Sean
Life is beautiful. I just want to thank you for who you are so far. I know with out you i wouldn't be who i am and i definitely would not be experiencing all of this happiness. isn't it funny how things can change in less than a week! They say a change is as good as a holiday and i can now tell you this is a holiday i definitely don't want to leave! My dream vacation spot is right where i am, i awake in comfort, i spend my days with smiles, i am surrounded by beauty, with the music i listen to, the people i spend my time with and then some... Someones got my smile, and i pretty damn positive that they are the reason this 'holiday' is so enjoyable. I have always been a happy person, you know that! But now i think all the happiness i need is with me now, I have a job i love, i have the most supportive and beautiful family, my friends are my everything, i play in a band that not only creates the music we all want and love, but i am lucky enough to play with the three most talented, lovely and well just putting out there, ridiculously good looking dudes in the world. and i have a smile that i haven't worn for a very long time!
I don't know what else to write to you, as i usually write to you in a confused state, just know that you're constantly in my thoughts. In the future ___ i may not be writing you letters, but sending you mix cds, little quotes, my thoughts... and i would love if you do the same. You a friend everyone deserves. You are someone i can rely on. You are You and i am so grateful for that!
Thank you for always listening to me.
I love you,
forever and after.
Sean
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Who would've thought...
that there would've been a second reason for my smile tonight... Not I!
But here i am with said smile!
My band Played tonight and lounge room shows are great!
But there is another reason.. This smile comes rarely...
Slowly Sean
But here i am with said smile!
My band Played tonight and lounge room shows are great!
But there is another reason.. This smile comes rarely...
Slowly Sean
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
letter number 2
Dear___,
hows life on your side of the world...
as confusing as usual? well one would only assume.
I find a comfort in you. I don't know what it is... but it makes me feel listened to and sometimes i need that.
I honestly have no clue as to what to write you... but even when i have nothing to say i don't want you to feel unloved or left alone... I know that when i am with you even if we have nothing to say i am comfortable just being around you... so i want this letter to be like that feeling! It could be a letter of blank but its still there for you... i dunno, is that weird?
Isn't it weird that we feel we have to fill every silence... i have never understood that... I crave silence usually. Even around you! don't take that in a bad way, i could spend a day talking with you and not care but the comfort of our silence... that knowledge there isn't anything to be said right now. I like that... sometimes i fill our silence with the noise of my own thoughts... Oh how you consume them! but i cant complain.
What do you think in the silence? im sure its amazing! i can sense you feel the same way when it comes to silence. you dont mention it! you accept it. even with a glance or a smile i know its fine!
Do you ever feel awkard... out of place...? I do. But with that being said it makes me feel special. It gives me a challenge to kinda prove that i can still be apart of whats going on... i feel i can learn from awkward sittuations!!! which is why i dont awkward. i refuse to be awkward. i refuse to share an awkward silence... I can sense you feel awkard sometimes! but you shouldn't! It is you that makes me feel comfortable with who i am! sure you will point out my differences and poke fun at me but you never take it to far and you know i can take! Hell i usually play along!!!
Do you find sometimes with a silence when you are alone... or even with someone you need to fill it cause sometimes your thoughts repeat themself and you are left with the annoying reminder of what you already know? i find the best silence breaker is putting on music i am passionate about!!! not only will it fill the room with the sounds of your happy but it will give you something to talk about if you ever feel like you have reached the 'awkward' silence... and as you know i LOVE to talk about my music... but you know this and are still so willing to listen... even if our tastes clash! :)
I will leave this letter hear as i am tired and feel that you may have better things to do! But know i love you. Know i am here.
Thanks for listening to me! Thank you for our silence. Thank you for being that something new and refreshing in my life!
Love, forever and after.
Sean
hows life on your side of the world...
as confusing as usual? well one would only assume.
I find a comfort in you. I don't know what it is... but it makes me feel listened to and sometimes i need that.
I honestly have no clue as to what to write you... but even when i have nothing to say i don't want you to feel unloved or left alone... I know that when i am with you even if we have nothing to say i am comfortable just being around you... so i want this letter to be like that feeling! It could be a letter of blank but its still there for you... i dunno, is that weird?
Isn't it weird that we feel we have to fill every silence... i have never understood that... I crave silence usually. Even around you! don't take that in a bad way, i could spend a day talking with you and not care but the comfort of our silence... that knowledge there isn't anything to be said right now. I like that... sometimes i fill our silence with the noise of my own thoughts... Oh how you consume them! but i cant complain.
What do you think in the silence? im sure its amazing! i can sense you feel the same way when it comes to silence. you dont mention it! you accept it. even with a glance or a smile i know its fine!
Do you ever feel awkard... out of place...? I do. But with that being said it makes me feel special. It gives me a challenge to kinda prove that i can still be apart of whats going on... i feel i can learn from awkward sittuations!!! which is why i dont awkward. i refuse to be awkward. i refuse to share an awkward silence... I can sense you feel awkard sometimes! but you shouldn't! It is you that makes me feel comfortable with who i am! sure you will point out my differences and poke fun at me but you never take it to far and you know i can take! Hell i usually play along!!!
Do you find sometimes with a silence when you are alone... or even with someone you need to fill it cause sometimes your thoughts repeat themself and you are left with the annoying reminder of what you already know? i find the best silence breaker is putting on music i am passionate about!!! not only will it fill the room with the sounds of your happy but it will give you something to talk about if you ever feel like you have reached the 'awkward' silence... and as you know i LOVE to talk about my music... but you know this and are still so willing to listen... even if our tastes clash! :)
I will leave this letter hear as i am tired and feel that you may have better things to do! But know i love you. Know i am here.
Thanks for listening to me! Thank you for our silence. Thank you for being that something new and refreshing in my life!
Love, forever and after.
Sean
Friday, March 27, 2009
Letter number 1
i have discovered in life there is no time for arseholes... there is no time to brush someone off. People need your help! and sometimes you may be the only person they have!
With that being said.... some people are self loathing and don't need help but to just make a change and get the shit over it!!... but we'll pick back up on that in another blog!
A friend of mine just recently came to me with a problem they we're facing... the way the dealt with it was amazing... it showed the strength in their character and im so freaking proud of that... but they still needed that someone... and the people they thought we're going to be there AND the people they needed there and should've been there weren't i haven't known this person for that long... but who am i to deny them of an ear... a shoulder... its not fair!!!
NOW DONT GET ME WRONG... dont go thinking im talking about how good i am for being there for people... this is just a realisation that ive come across recently. I know there have been times where i've just thought..'im too busy/tired/couldn't be bothered...' and yeah there will still be times like that... but what happens if i was the last resort... what if they have gone to everyone else... they've come to me for a reason and i should be there...
What do you think about this...? i worry myself sometimes... but isnt life one big worry for most people?? I dont know.. these are my thoughts... my family always first! than my band and friends.... i would like to say that i would drop everything for a friend in need... i still dont know if i could stick by that for everyone. i can tell you now i would go to the wall for my band family and select friends... but what about the non select? why do they come to us? is it because of trust? comfort? or last resort? why do they need us... this is what keeps me thinking. im not losing sleep... but what if they are?
everyone needs someone... and everyone needs to be a someone...
this letter i feel has run its course. i hope this finds you well... i dont need a reply... but just to know this means something to more than me... i have faith it does... cause i surround myself with friend who i know would be there...
this worlds an ugly place... but you're so beautiful to me
Love, forever and after...
Sean
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