Dear___,
hows life on your side of the world...
as confusing as usual? well one would only assume.
I find a comfort in you. I don't know what it is... but it makes me feel listened to and sometimes i need that.
I honestly have no clue as to what to write you... but even when i have nothing to say i don't want you to feel unloved or left alone... I know that when i am with you even if we have nothing to say i am comfortable just being around you... so i want this letter to be like that feeling! It could be a letter of blank but its still there for you... i dunno, is that weird?
Isn't it weird that we feel we have to fill every silence... i have never understood that... I crave silence usually. Even around you! don't take that in a bad way, i could spend a day talking with you and not care but the comfort of our silence... that knowledge there isn't anything to be said right now. I like that... sometimes i fill our silence with the noise of my own thoughts... Oh how you consume them! but i cant complain.
What do you think in the silence? im sure its amazing! i can sense you feel the same way when it comes to silence. you dont mention it! you accept it. even with a glance or a smile i know its fine!
Do you ever feel awkard... out of place...? I do. But with that being said it makes me feel special. It gives me a challenge to kinda prove that i can still be apart of whats going on... i feel i can learn from awkward sittuations!!! which is why i dont awkward. i refuse to be awkward. i refuse to share an awkward silence... I can sense you feel awkard sometimes! but you shouldn't! It is you that makes me feel comfortable with who i am! sure you will point out my differences and poke fun at me but you never take it to far and you know i can take! Hell i usually play along!!!
Do you find sometimes with a silence when you are alone... or even with someone you need to fill it cause sometimes your thoughts repeat themself and you are left with the annoying reminder of what you already know? i find the best silence breaker is putting on music i am passionate about!!! not only will it fill the room with the sounds of your happy but it will give you something to talk about if you ever feel like you have reached the 'awkward' silence... and as you know i LOVE to talk about my music... but you know this and are still so willing to listen... even if our tastes clash! :)
I will leave this letter hear as i am tired and feel that you may have better things to do! But know i love you. Know i am here.
Thanks for listening to me! Thank you for our silence. Thank you for being that something new and refreshing in my life!
Love, forever and after.
Sean
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Letter number 1
i have discovered in life there is no time for arseholes... there is no time to brush someone off. People need your help! and sometimes you may be the only person they have!
With that being said.... some people are self loathing and don't need help but to just make a change and get the shit over it!!... but we'll pick back up on that in another blog!
A friend of mine just recently came to me with a problem they we're facing... the way the dealt with it was amazing... it showed the strength in their character and im so freaking proud of that... but they still needed that someone... and the people they thought we're going to be there AND the people they needed there and should've been there weren't i haven't known this person for that long... but who am i to deny them of an ear... a shoulder... its not fair!!!
NOW DONT GET ME WRONG... dont go thinking im talking about how good i am for being there for people... this is just a realisation that ive come across recently. I know there have been times where i've just thought..'im too busy/tired/couldn't be bothered...' and yeah there will still be times like that... but what happens if i was the last resort... what if they have gone to everyone else... they've come to me for a reason and i should be there...
What do you think about this...? i worry myself sometimes... but isnt life one big worry for most people?? I dont know.. these are my thoughts... my family always first! than my band and friends.... i would like to say that i would drop everything for a friend in need... i still dont know if i could stick by that for everyone. i can tell you now i would go to the wall for my band family and select friends... but what about the non select? why do they come to us? is it because of trust? comfort? or last resort? why do they need us... this is what keeps me thinking. im not losing sleep... but what if they are?
everyone needs someone... and everyone needs to be a someone...
this letter i feel has run its course. i hope this finds you well... i dont need a reply... but just to know this means something to more than me... i have faith it does... cause i surround myself with friend who i know would be there...
this worlds an ugly place... but you're so beautiful to me
Love, forever and after...
Sean
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